But what about those who do see their partner as a potential life companion? What about those people who have affairs not for cheap sex but for more emotional considerations?
Adulterous affairs are almost never "true love" or even love at all. Some people who begin affairs with a married person tend to harbor the secret hope that this is The One, some special, fragile and clandestine relationship that was Meant to Be, but that tragically this great love was interrupted or forestalled by the inconvenience of the other spouse.
Most people who begin affairs are either bored, unhappy but not unhappy enough to get a divorce or intrigued by how much they can get away with, they are not looking to leave their comfortable lives, their comfortable spouses, their kids, their houses, their standing in the community They view this new sexual tryst as a kind of game, something that excites them for the first time in a long time, something that perks up their boring routine and makes them feel young again To think that the married co worker of yours who tells you how exciting you are is willing to trade in everything he's worked for all these years to start all over again with you - and with alimony and child support and a potential court battle as well - is extremely unrealistic.
If you choose to believe this and become involved with him anyway, don't be surprised when he ends it soon after it begins. Affairs are notoriously short. If you ever needed proof that affairs are not about love, just observe the average length of the average affair. A couple of months, usually, maybe a year at the outside. And that's only because it's often quite hard to disentangle yourself quickly once you've begun, and it takes a few months to really end things.
If you compare that to real love - which can and does last a lifetime if it's based on shared values, there can be no doubt that the only thing binding an adulterous couple together is the momentary thrill of sex as unthrilling as momentary sex can be.
Affairs are usually just an outburst of pent up frustration or emotion, they are temporary, short-lived sexual releases that some people resort to without bothering to talk out their problems with their spouse.
They are about excitement or relief, about easing boredom or reclaiming self-esteem - and once they've served their purpose, there's no longer any use for them, or for the partner in them.
Adulterers rarely leave their spouses over an affair, unless the betrayed spouse forces them to. Most adulterers, if they had their way, wouldn't alter their lives or marriages in any way, except to add discrete affairs from time to time that no one ever knew about.
If you become sexually involved with a married person, don't be surprised if the "passion" fizzles quite quickly and your company is not as desirable as it once was. The husband or wife that "didn't understand" your lover soon becomes the only person they want to go home to at night - not you. You will never be primary or private The lack of primacy and privacy in an adulterous affair accounts for why it will never be as sexually or romantically satisfying as a committed monogamous marriage, but aside from that, never being private or primary with your lover has real applications in the real world.
You can never be primary in that his or her spouse will always come before you, in everything - don't be surprised if secret dates are suddenly canceled because "something came up at home", don't expect to ever be able to spend the holidays or important days with your lover. Don't expect to have the simple joy of waking up in love with the person next to you and knowing you can luxuriate in bed with each other all day if you want. Don't ever expect to feel special or valuable; you know that there is someone else that is deemed more special or more valuable to your lover than you are - especially when he or she goes to elaborate lengths not to "hurt" their spouse while hurting you every day.
And although affairs are by their nature secret and clandestine, they are never really "private" - for real privacy in a relationship there must be the feeling that it is just the two of you facing the world together, that you are a team, mutually exclusive and committed to each other.
It doesn't matter if you always meet in out-of-the way places and carry on in secret, as long as there's a spouse and possibly children involved in this relationship of yours, it will never be truly private. This person will, in all likelihood, do the same thing to you with someone else. You have to know that even if you develop a "successful" relationship with a married person whatever "success" means to someone having an affair , the very fact that they cheated on their husband or wife with you means they have the kind of character that would let them cheat on you with someone else.
Some people, who subscribe to the "But he really loves me! These people like to think that their lover will mend their straying ways now that they've chanced upon such a peach, and will turn into faithful, devoted, blissfully happy lover from that point on. Some people honestly don't make the mental connection necessary to see that if he or she did it once, they'll be able to do it again.
Relationships that grow out of affairs can leave you open to future blame. A man in his forties or fifties, say, meets a vibrant young woman in her twenties who is attracted to him and entices him with a chance to recapture his youth and feel virile again.
They begin an affair, which the man thinks he can pull off without his wife of twenty-five years ever knowing about. He wants sex, even if he has to give some relationship to get it. But cheating violates the relationship, not the sex. To put it bluntly… guys cheat because the relationship was never their goal…it was the sex. Remember, guys are not that complex.
You probably know about some girls who stalk guys like sexual predators- they try in every way they can to get them to cheat.
Generally speaking, guys who grow up in homes where their parents cheat, find it much easier to do the same thing. Counselor Gary Neuman asked cheating and non-cheating husbands about why they cheated. Some guys give in easily to the temptation to cheat because that is what their friends and family do. Do you remember Tiger Woods? He was married to one of hottest women on the planet, but he was a big-time cheater with lots of women.
The guy cheated once, then twice, then three times. It became easier and easier to give in, harder and harder to say no.
If you are dating a guy who cheated before, there is a good chance he will cheat on you too, even if from the beginning he never planned it that way. If he has cheated more than once, it is even more likely that it will happen again. I believe sometimes people are truly ashamed of a choice they made and would like to undo the past.
My point in this blog is to point out things to look for and consider if you find yourself in a relationship with someone who cheats. My ex boyfriend Bradley macintosh been cheating on me with this girl twice texting this girl twice kissing this girl twice touching this girl twice sleeping with this girl twice touching hugging this girl twice original sexy this girl twice top this girl twice really sex.
I fell for this guy and he is really a good person when he wants to be and when hes not around his so called friends. We go off on each other a lot but always get back together.
He is an complete lier he has another girl hes with and he denies it. He tell me he loves me and when we argue every thing is my fault and not his. Why cant he just come clean on his feelings or who he wants to be with. How can someone do this and hurt someone so bad. How can he live with himself. I need to see who it is b4 i comfront him. People tell me he does really care for me and wants me in his life.
I cant function anymore he keeps on hurting me and i keep on going back.